When the Ground Shifts: Living with Chronic Illness and the Loss of Health

Person looking out of a window, reflecting the solitude and longing often felt with chronic illness.

Introduction

When your health changes, so much else changes with it. The plans you made, the routines you relied on, even the simple rhythms of daily life can start to feel uncertain. Chronic illness often brings a slow and quiet upheaval - one that others may not fully see or understand.

You might still look the same on the outside, yet inside, everything feels different. The energy you once took for granted is gone. Tasks that used to be effortless now take planning. You may find yourself grieving the version of you who could do more, move freely, or live without pain or fatigue.

The hidden grief of ill health

Living with chronic illness is not just a physical experience. It can bring deep emotional and psychological shifts. You may feel sadness, frustration, or anger at your body for no longer working as it once did. You might feel isolated, misunderstood, or guilty for needing to slow down or say no.

This kind of loss often goes unacknowledged. Society tends to focus on recovery, resilience, and “staying positive,” but rarely gives space to the grief that comes with long-term illness - the grief for the life you thought you would have.

Counsellors sometimes refer to this as disenfranchised grief: grief that isn’t widely recognised or validated by others. When your pain or fatigue is invisible, it can feel as though your experience is dismissed or minimised. Yet the loss of health can touch every part of your identity, and it deserves compassion and understanding.

Identity and change

When illness becomes part of your life, it can change how you see yourself. You might wonder, Who am I now that I can’t do the things I used to? You may feel a loss of independence or purpose, or notice shifts in your relationships as roles and responsibilities change.

It’s natural to long for your “old life” or to struggle with how unpredictable each day can be. There may be moments of acceptance and moments of resistance, hope and despair - all part of the ongoing process of adjusting to a new reality.

This transition isn’t just about your health; it’s about rebuilding your sense of self around what remains possible, meaningful, and true for you now.

The emotional toll of chronic illness

The constant management of symptoms, medical appointments, and uncertainty can take a huge emotional toll. Many people living with chronic illness describe a background hum of anxiety or exhaustion - not just from the illness itself, but from having to keep explaining, coping, and holding it all together.

You might feel pressure to stay strong for others, or to appear as though you’re “managing” when inside you feel anything but. It can be a lonely experience, even when surrounded by people who care.

How counselling can help

Counselling can provide a calm, steady space to explore what life with chronic illness really feels like - without judgement or expectation. It can help you:

• Acknowledge and process the losses that come with ill health.

• Explore feelings of frustration, guilt, or anger towards your body.

• Reconnect with your sense of identity and self-worth.

• Find ways to manage anxiety and uncertainty.

• Strengthen communication with loved ones and express your needs more clearly.

• Build compassion for yourself as you navigate a different pace of life.

Counselling doesn’t take the illness away, but it can help you make sense of the emotional landscape that surrounds it. Over time, you might begin to feel steadier - more able to live alongside your illness rather than feeling defined by it.

Finding meaning and gentleness in the in-between

Adjusting to chronic illness isn’t about “getting over” what has happened, but learning to live with what is. There may still be moments of joy, creativity, connection, and purpose - even within the limitations. These moments don’t erase the pain, but they can sit alongside it.

It’s okay to have days when you feel grief and others when you feel gratitude. Both can coexist. Counselling can help you hold space for these contradictions and find gentler ways to care for yourself through them.

In closing

Living with chronic illness changes you. It asks for patience, resilience, and compassion - not just from others, but from yourself. You may never have chosen this path, but within it, there can still be moments of understanding, connection, and even growth.

If you are struggling to adjust to changes in your health, know that you don’t have to face it alone. Counselling can help you explore what has been lost, what still remains, and what it might mean to build a life that honours both.

About the author:

Samantha Cooke is an integrative counsellor based in Ascot, Berkshire. She supports adults (18+) who are adjusting to life’s unexpected changes - from relationship losses and family estrangement to childlessness or retirement. Samantha offers a calm and supportive space where clients can explore their emotions, rediscover stability, and move forward with renewed confidence.

Contact Samantha here: CONTACT | Samantha Cooke