Baby Loss and the Wave of Light: Holding Space for Tender Grief

Candles lit for Baby Loss Awareness Week and the Wave of Light - a global movement to honour and remember babies gone too soon.

Introduction

As Baby Loss Awareness Week comes to a close, people across the world will take part in the Wave of Light this evening, lighting candles at 7pm to honour babies who are no longer with us. For an hour, homes and communities will be filled with a soft, gentle glow, creating a shared moment of remembrance and connection.

It is a time that brings together families, friends, and communities, but it is also a deeply personal experience. The feelings it stirs can be hard to describe, and they often linger long after the candles have been blown out.

In my work as a counsellor, I often meet people who are finding their way through grief that feels both immense and tender. Baby loss is one of those experiences. It is a loss that reshapes everything: identity, relationships, and the way the world feels.

The silence around baby loss

When a baby dies, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, or shortly after birth, the grief can be overwhelming. Hopes, dreams, and imagined futures can disappear in an instant. Yet, because the loss is often unseen by others, it can feel as though the depth of that grief is hard for people to understand.

Friends and family may not know what to say, or they may worry about saying the wrong thing. Sometimes, in trying to protect the person they care about, they avoid talking about it altogether. But silence, however kind the intention, can make the grief feel even heavier.

Many people feel their baby’s place in the world is not always recognised. There may be no shared memories or public rituals to mark their loss, and that can leave them feeling unanchored. What they long for, often, is acknowledgement: to have their baby remembered, and their love seen.

Baby loss as a life transition

Grief changes us. After baby loss, life can feel divided into a “before” and “after”. The world may look the same, yet it no longer feels the same. Even when others hope for a return to “normal”, that normal no longer exists in the same way.

This is why I see baby loss not only as an experience of grief, but also as a profound life transition. It can touch every part of a person’s being: how they see themselves, their body, their relationships, and their sense of hope for the future.

The emotions that come with this transition can shift and overlap. Sadness, anger, numbness, guilt, and longing can appear and fade, sometimes all in a single day. Grief can return in unexpected moments: a date on the calendar, a scan photo, a passing comment, a child’s laughter. It is not something to be “got over”, but something that becomes woven into life in new ways over time.

The importance of recognition and support

Every story of baby loss is unique, but what many people share is the need to have their experience witnessed and held with care. When grief is met with understanding rather than avoidance, healing can begin to take shape.

In counselling, there is room for this kind of gentle recognition. It is a space where you can speak freely, without fear of judgement or pressure to move on. The counselling room can hold both the pain and the love, the sorrow and the memory. It can be a place to say a baby’s name, to talk about the dreams that were lost, and to find small ways of making meaning again.

Grief may soften in time, but it doesn’t disappear. With support, it can begin to sit alongside life rather than overshadow it.

The Wave of Light: a shared moment of remembrance

The Wave of Light is a beautiful way for parents, families, and friends to honour babies who are no longer here. Each candle represents a life, however brief, and a love that continues.

For some, lighting a candle is a private act, a quiet conversation between their heart and the baby they carry in memory. For others, it is a chance to join a wider community of people who understand a grief that words can rarely capture.

As the candles glow this evening, they remind us that even in the darkest times, light can be shared. Each flame joins another, creating warmth and connection across the world.

In closing

If you are taking part in the Wave of Light tonight, I hope you feel the comfort of shared remembrance. Whether your loss is recent or many years old, your grief matters and your love endures.

And if you are supporting someone through baby loss, know that simple acts of acknowledgement can mean a great deal. Listening, remembering, and speaking a baby’s name are powerful ways of showing care.

In my counselling work, I walk alongside people through many forms of loss and change. If you are finding it hard to carry your grief alone, you do not have to. Support can be a space to breathe, to feel, and to begin to find your footing again.

As the light spreads across the world tonight, may it bring you moments of peace, and the knowing that your love is seen.

About the author:

Samantha Cooke is an integrative counsellor based in Ascot, Berkshire. She supports adults (18+) who are adjusting to life’s unexpected changes - from relationship losses and family estrangement to childlessness or retirement. Samantha offers a calm and supportive space where clients can explore their emotions, rediscover stability, and move forward with renewed confidence.

Contact Samantha here: CONTACT | Samantha Cooke