Why Does It Feel So Unsettling When You Stop Doing What You “Should” Be Doing?

Stepping stones across calm water at sunset

Last week, I didn’t write a blog.

That might sound like a small thing, but it felt more significant than I expected. For some time, I have been writing weekly, and before that I was posting regularly on social media, often three times a week. More recently, that rhythm had shifted to simply sharing my blog, and then, without really planning it, I stopped.

At first, there was a sense of space. A quiet relief in not needing to produce something or keep up with a structure I had created for myself. It felt like a pause I had perhaps needed for a while.

But alongside that space came something else. A subtle unease that was harder to name.

I found myself wondering whether I had done something wrong. Whether stepping back, even briefly, might have consequences. Whether I was letting something slip that I should have been maintaining.

The discomfort of stepping back

When we stop doing something that has become part of our routine, or part of how we see ourselves, it can feel surprisingly unsettling. This can be true even when the change is chosen, and even when it brings a sense of relief.

Part of the difficulty seems to come from the way certain patterns become quietly embedded in our lives. What may have begun as something flexible or supportive can gradually take on a different quality. It can begin to feel fixed, something we are expected to continue, even when part of us is asking for space.

Stepping outside that pattern, even briefly, can create a sense of uncertainty. Not because anything concrete has gone wrong, but because we have moved away from something that felt known.

The invisible expectations we carry

As I reflected on this, it became clearer that what I was experiencing was not really about writing a blog. It was about the expectations that sit beneath our actions, often without us fully noticing them.

Many of us carry a set of internal rules about how we should be living. They are rarely stated explicitly, but they shape how we move through our days. We tell ourselves we should be consistent, productive, and keep going, even when we feel tired or uncertain.

These expectations can provide structure and direction, but they can also become rigid over time. When we begin to question them, or step outside them, it can feel as though we are doing something wrong, even when there is no clear evidence of that.

The experience of being in between

It also made me think about how this experience mirrors something many people describe in other areas of their lives.

There are times when we find ourselves no longer fully where we were, but not yet settled somewhere new. Sometimes this follows a clear life event, such as the end of a relationship, a change in work, or a shift in health. At other times, there is no obvious external change, yet something internally feels different.

What was once familiar no longer fits in quite the same way. What comes next is not yet clear.

This can create a sense of being in between, which can feel both spacious and unsettling at the same time.

Stepping between stones

The image that came to mind for me was that of stepping from one stone to another.

There is a moment during that movement where you are not fully grounded on either stone. One foot has left the place that felt stable, and the other has not yet settled. For a brief time, your balance shifts and you become more aware of where you are placing your weight.

That moment is often where the uncertainty sits. Even if you can see the next stone, there is still a temporary loss of steadiness as you move between the two.

Life transitions can feel similar. You may have stepped away from something that once felt certain, but what comes next is not yet fully formed. The absence of firm ground can make you question yourself, even when the movement itself is necessary.

When uncertainty brings self-doubt

For many people, this in-between space is where self-doubt begins to surface more strongly. Without the usual structures or markers in place, it can feel harder to orient yourself. You may begin to question whether you are doing enough, or whether you have made the right decision.

Some people describe feeling disconnected or slightly outside of their own life. There can be a sense that something has shifted, but without a clear explanation for what that shift is.

This can be particularly difficult to talk about, especially when nothing is obviously wrong. From the outside, life may appear stable, which can make the internal experience feel even harder to articulate.

The pull towards certainty

In these moments, it is very natural to want to return to what feels known. To re-establish the structure or pattern that provided a sense of stability.

Sometimes that is the right thing to do. But at other times, the discomfort we feel is not a sign that we have made a mistake. It may be a sign that we are in a period of transition.

A space where something is changing, even if that change is not yet clear.

Allowing the in-between

The space between stones is not somewhere we remain indefinitely, but it is a necessary part of moving forward. It is where balance adjusts and where new ground is found.

In life, these periods can feel slower and less defined. There may not be a clear direction or an immediate sense of purpose. However, this does not mean that nothing is happening.

Often, these quieter, less certain spaces are where important shifts begin to take place, even if they are not immediately visible.

How counselling can help

Counselling can offer a space to explore these in-between experiences in a way that feels steady and contained. It can help you make sense of the discomfort that arises when familiar structures no longer feel quite right, and to understand the expectations that may be shaping your responses.

Rather than rushing to find answers, counselling can support you in staying with the uncertainty long enough for something clearer to emerge.

A closing reflection

Not writing a blog last week brought me into contact with something that felt both small and significant. The discomfort was not really about stopping. It was about stepping, however briefly, into a space that felt less certain.

If you recognise something of yourself in that experience, it may not mean that you have lost your way. It may simply mean that you are between one step and the next.

If you would like to talk

If you are experiencing a period of uncertainty or transition and finding it difficult to make sense of where you are, I offer counselling in person in Ascot, Berkshire, as well as online and by telephone across the UK. You are welcome to get in touch for a free 15 minute consultation.

About the author

Samantha Cooke is a counsellor based in Ascot, Berkshire, specialising in support for life transitions and unexpected change. She works with adults navigating experiences such as relationship endings, childlessness, chronic illness, retirement or redundancy, midlife shifts and the in-between periods where life no longer feels familiar.

Samantha offers warm, steady, relational counselling in person in Ascot and online and by telephone across the UK, helping clients explore their emotions, regain clarity and reconnect with a sense of direction and self-trust.

You can contact Samantha here: CONTACT | Samantha Cooke