When Goodbye Comes on Four Paws: Navigating the Grief of Pet Loss

A rainbow arc representing the Rainbow Bridge and the love that endures beyond loss.

Introduction

Over the last few years, I’ve lost both of my cats. They were brother and sister, curious and gentle in their own ways, and both were sadly killed in separate road accidents. I had brought them home during a challenging chapter of my life, and they became my quiet companions through change and uncertainty. Losing them felt like losing part of my everyday rhythm.

Even now, small things can bring them back to me: I still pull up on the driveway and expect a friendly welcome through the cat flap. Grief for a pet is deeply personal, and yet it is something many people find difficult to talk about.

The depth of connection we share with our pets

Pets weave themselves into the fabric of our lives in a way that is both ordinary and profound. They provide glimmers of joy, sit beside us in the quiet moments, and offer a kind of companionship that asks for little but gives so much. They are part of our routines, our families, and often our sense of home.

When they die, the space they leave behind can feel enormous. Mornings feel different. The house feels quieter. Even the smallest habits, like glancing at their favourite spot, can trigger waves of emotion. It is not simply the loss of an animal, but the loss of a bond that offered comfort, consistency, and unconditional love.

When grief feels unseen

One of the most painful aspects of pet loss is how often it is misunderstood or minimised. Friends might say things like “You can always get another one,” or “At least it wasn’t a person.” But grief does not compare or compete. When a pet has been part of your emotional world, their absence can be just as devastating as any other kind of loss.

This is what counsellors refer to as disenfranchised grief - grief that is not always recognised or validated by others. When your sadness feels dismissed, it can add an extra layer of isolation. You might even question your own right to grieve as deeply as you do. Yet the pain you feel is a reflection of love, not a measure of its legitimacy.

The unique nature of this loss

Pet loss often brings a complex blend of emotions: sadness, guilt, anger, or even relief if your animal had been unwell. Sometimes there is trauma around the circumstances of their death, especially if it was sudden or unexpected.

You might find yourself replaying what happened, wondering if you could have done something differently. You may also struggle with the loss of routine - the daily walks, feeding times, or cuddles that shaped your day. All of this takes time to process. Grief does not follow a timeline, and it cannot be hurried.

When we allow ourselves to grieve, we begin to make gentle space for both the pain of absence and the gratitude for what was shared.

The role of counselling in pet loss

Talking about pet loss in counselling can be surprisingly powerful. It provides a space where the relationship you had with your animal is honoured without judgement or dismissal.

In counselling, there is room to explore the full emotional landscape of your grief - the love, the loss, and everything in between. It can also help with:

• Processing feelings of guilt or regret

• Managing the loneliness that follows the loss of a constant companion

• Finding ways to honour your pet’s memory and keep their presence alive in meaningful ways

• Reconnecting with a sense of balance and wellbeing when life feels emotionally disoriented

Counselling can help you make sense of how this loss fits into your wider life story. For many people, pet loss sits alongside other transitions - retirement, relationship changes, childlessness, moving home - amplifying feelings of instability or loneliness. A therapeutic space can help you find steadiness again.

Honouring their memory

There is no right or wrong way to remember a pet. Some people find comfort in rituals, such as lighting a candle, keeping a photo nearby, or planting something in their garden. Others write letters, create small memorials, or make donations to animal charities in their pet’s name.

What matters is finding a way that feels right for you - something that acknowledges the love that existed and the space that remains. Grief changes shape over time. It may soften, but it rarely disappears. Instead, it becomes part of your story, a quiet thread of love that continues in memory and heart.

In closing

Losing a pet can be one of life’s tenderest heartbreaks. It can feel strange to grieve so deeply for an animal when the world around you seems to move on quickly. Yet this love, this loss, matters. It speaks of connection, care, and shared moments that shaped who you are.

If you are struggling after losing a pet, know that you are not alone. Talking about your grief can help you begin to carry it more gently. With time and support, the ache of loss can sit alongside the warmth of memory - a reminder of how deeply we can love, and how much our lives are enriched by those who walk beside us, even on four paws.

About the author:

Samantha Cooke is an integrative counsellor based in Ascot, Berkshire. She supports adults (18+) who are adjusting to life’s unexpected changes - from relationship losses and family estrangement to childlessness or retirement. Samantha offers a calm and supportive space where clients can explore their emotions, rediscover stability, and move forward with renewed confidence.

Contact Samantha here: CONTACT | Samantha Cooke