The Counselling Sandbox: A Space to Navigate Life Transitions

Introduction

In my previous career in regulatory compliance, I became familiar with something called the regulatory sandbox. The regulator created this as a safe and controlled environment where businesses could test new ideas, products, and approaches without the usual risks of launching them straight into the real world. It was a place designed for experimentation - for trying things out, seeing what worked, and learning from what didn’t, all without the high stakes of immediate public exposure.

Now, as a counsellor, I often come back to that image of the sandbox. The counselling room can be a similar kind of space. It is somewhere you can explore, reflect, and rehearse new ways of thinking or being before taking them into the wider world. It’s a space that exists outside of your everyday pressures and expectations - a place where you can take a breath, test out an idea, and see how it feels.

Why we need a safe place to experiment

When life is moving along as expected, we often don’t give much thought to our identity or how we live. But when something changes, especially when it changes suddenly, it can feel like the ground beneath us has shifted.

Life transitions can take many forms:

• Leaving a long-term job, whether through choice or redundancy

• The breakdown or re-shaping of a relationship

• Adjusting to a life without children, whether planned or unplanned

• Coping with illness, disability, or a sudden change in health

• Relocating to a new place and leaving behind familiar support networks

Alongside these changes, there can be a deep undercurrent of disenfranchised grief - the kind of loss that isn’t always recognised or acknowledged by others. People may see the surface change but not understand the complexity of what it has taken from you: your routines, your sense of purpose, your imagined future.

In times like these, it can be hard to know what to do next. The urge to “get back to normal” can be strong, even when the old normal no longer fits. This is where a safe place to experiment becomes so important.

The counselling sandbox

The counselling room offers a kind of sandbox for personal growth. It’s not about building sandcastles for the sake of it - it’s about seeing what takes shape when you have the freedom to try things without judgement or pressure.

In this space, you might:

• Test out setting boundaries in conversation, so it feels easier when you do it outside the room

• Explore different ways of responding to conflict or criticism

• Say out loud things you’ve never dared to say, just to see how they sound

• Question long-standing beliefs about yourself or your place in the world

• Imagine new possibilities without having to commit to them straight away

Some experiments will feel surprisingly comfortable, like putting on a coat you didn’t expect to suit you but that somehow fits perfectly. Others might feel awkward or even wrong - but even those experiences have value. They help you refine your understanding of what matters to you and what doesn’t.

The beauty of the sandbox is that nothing has to be final. You can build, reshape, knock something down, or start again entirely. Each step offers insight, even when the outcome isn’t what you initially expected.

Life transitions and the sandbox approach

Many of the people I work with are navigating transitions they didn’t see coming. A career they’d invested in has ended. A relationship that once felt certain has shifted. A life plan they had held for years is no longer possible.

In these moments, it’s common to feel pressure, both internal and external, to quickly figure out what comes next. But real change rarely happens in one big leap. It usually happens in small, tentative steps, many of which are taken privately before they’re shared with the outside world.

The sandbox allows for this slower, gentler pace. You can try on new ways of living without having to present them as a polished finished product. You can discover what feels aligned and what feels off, without worrying about judgement or misunderstanding.

Shaking off what isn’t yours

Sometimes, the experiments in the counselling sandbox are less about adding something new and more about removing what no longer fits. This can mean letting go of roles, responsibilities, or versions of yourself that you’ve been carrying for years.

It might be noticing that certain expectations were never really yours to begin with - they were inherited from family, absorbed from culture, or picked up through past relationships. In the sandbox, you can lay them down for a moment and see what it feels like without them.

This process can also bring forward parts of yourself that have been quietly waiting in the background. Maybe it’s a creative impulse you’ve ignored. Maybe it’s a need for more solitude or more connection. Maybe it’s the realisation that you want to live at a different pace entirely.

Moving forward from the sandbox

Eventually, some of what you explore in the sandbox will begin to feel ready for the outside world. You might start practising a new boundary with a friend or trying out a new routine at work. You might share a part of your story with someone you trust. You might take a small step toward a bigger dream.

Not everything you try will become a permanent part of your life - and that’s okay. In fact, that’s the point. The sandbox gives you permission to explore without committing too soon. It allows you to approach change in a way that feels thoughtful, deliberate, and safe.

In closing

If you’re standing in the middle of a life transition, whether chosen or unexpected, you don’t have to rush to have it all figured out. You are allowed to take your time. You are allowed to try things on for size. You are allowed to change your mind.

The counselling room can be your sandbox: a place to explore, experiment, and imagine before stepping forward into the wider world.

If you are ready to begin that process, there is space here for you to start.

About the author:

Samantha Cooke is an integrative counsellor based in Ascot, Berkshire. She supports adults (18+) who are adjusting to life’s unexpected changes - from relationship losses and family estrangement to childlessness or retirement. Samantha offers a calm and supportive space where clients can explore their emotions, rediscover stability, and move forward with renewed confidence.

Contact Samantha here: CONTACT | Samantha Cooke