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Introduction: The Challenge of Putting Yourself First
In my last blog, I wrote about the importance of taking breaks as a counsellor, why I do it, and the benefits it has on my work with clients. But it got me thinking about how often I see clients struggle with putting their own needs first - or even putting them in the mix at all. Many people feel like taking time for themselves is a luxury they can’t afford. Have you ever felt guilty for taking a break?
Self-care is important to us all. It’s often seen as an antidote for stress or burnout, but in today’s fast-paced world, meeting the demands of daily life is hard work, and we all need to cater to our emotional well-being. In this blog, let’s explore why taking time for yourself can feel so difficult, the importance of doing so, and some simple ways to start prioritising your needs.
Why It’s Difficult to Take Time for Yourself
The Pressure to Be Productive
I’ve always been struck by the way our society glorifies being busy. If we’re not all whizzing around at breakneck speeds, it’s easy to feel like we’re lazy or unproductive. Productivity seems to go hand in hand with self-worth, and the pressure to be “always on” can make it hard to pause and take a break. We may start to feel guilty, as though “doing nothing” is inherently wasteful.
The Critical Voice Within
Many of us hear a little voice that discourages us from taking time for ourselves. Maybe it came from messages we received in childhood - from parents, teachers, or even friends who reinforced the importance of staying busy. These beliefs become part of our inner dialogue and whisper, “You’re lazy, you clearly have too much time on your hands.” So when we start to feel tired, or when we feel the need to reset and recharge, that voice questions whether we “really need” a break.
Comparing Ourselves to Others
We’re social creatures, and it’s natural to measure ourselves against others. But how often do we compare ourselves to others’ productivity? When we hear what others are “accomplishing,” it’s easy to think we’re falling behind. For instance, imagine telling a friend you spent the weekend resting while they went for a 5k charity run, decluttered their home, and logged in extra work hours - all with a smile. Suddenly, resting feels like “less than.” It’s no wonder we feel pressured to keep up.
Responsibilities and Roles That Compete with Self-Care
Life also brings responsibilities and roles that can make it challenging to take time for ourselves. Whether it’s family obligations, navigating a busy career, or the everyday tasks of adulting, we often put others’ needs before our own. While these roles can be meaningful and essential, they often drain our energy, leaving little room for self-care.
Why Taking Time for Yourself Actually Matters
Mental Health Benefits
Putting energy into self-care and taking breaks is crucial for mental health. Stepping back from the grind of life can help reduce stress, prevent burnout, and improve mental clarity. When we’re constantly on the go, we can become overwhelmed and lose perspective. In the counselling room, I often see clients push themselves, convinced that if they just try harder or work longer, they’ll finally feel “caught up.” But this can lead to a sense of burnout or exhaustion, leaving them unable to see the bigger picture.
Physical Health Benefits
Taking time for yourself isn’t just about mental well-being; it has physical benefits too. Chronic stress and overworking can lead to physical tension, fatigue, and even sleep problems. When our brains are constantly on “full steam,” it becomes difficult to wind down, and sleep suffers. I often discuss with clients how poor sleep alone can drastically impact well-being - there’s a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture.
Improved Relationships
Taking time for ourselves also means we’re better able to be present in our relationships. When our batteries are low, we can become irritable, impatient, and unforgiving. This strain can impact all kinds of relationships - romantic, familial, friendships, and even interactions with colleagues or strangers. Taking time for ourselves means we have a greater capacity to be empathetic towards others and communicate more effectively.
Practical Tips for Making Time for Yourself
So, in a world that values busyness and where taking breaks can feel like a guilty pleasure, how do you make time for yourself?
Start Small
As with anything new, start small. Instead of booking a week-long retreat, which might feel too big, start with five minutes of breathing exercises or a quick walk outside. Taking time for yourself doesn’t have to mean hours away from other responsibilities. Just like a 20-minute nap can refresh us, small, regular breaks can be impactful and easier to manage.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries are your friend and can protect your time for yourself, leading to healthier habits. Work boundaries, like logging off at a specific time, are one example, but boundaries can also apply to social obligations, household chores, or digital usage. For instance, you might try setting a daily “phone-free” hour so that you’re not constantly available to others, and instead, focus on your own needs. Or perhaps create a routine time in the morning or evening when demands on you are lower.
Shift Your Mindset
Imagine if we truly felt that we were “human beings” rather than “human doings.” This mindset shift can allow you to take breaks without guilt. Although it can be difficult to start, try giving yourself some self-compassion and kindness. You deserve this time for yourself, and taking it doesn’t make you lazy or selfish.
Reframing the internal dialogue can help too. Instead of “I should be doing XYZ,” consider “I deserve to recharge.” We’ve all heard, “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” or “Put on your own oxygen mask first.” Maybe it’s time to start listening.
Conclusion
While it may be difficult to take time for yourself, doing so is essential and valuable. Making space for self-care can positively impact our mental health, physical well-being, and relationships.
How will you make time for yourself? What small steps can you take today, and how might you build on them going forward? Imagine what it might feel like to create some distance from the everyday stressors in life and make room for renewal and invigoration.
If you’re struggling to put yourself into the mix and focus on your needs, I’m here to help. Contact me to discuss how we can work together to find a healthier balance in your life.
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